We were NOT that family driving to St. Louis with our mini van windows painted with crazy sayings and flags flying to support our UNI Panthers in the Sweet 16. We were NOT honking and waving like crazy people to every other Panther fan we saw on the road either. That would NOT be like the Clayberg family.
We definitely did NOT have two children who were so distraught after the Panthers lost that the section attendant came down from her perch to console our children making us feel like uncaring parents. Or maybe she just came down to shoo us away since we definitely were NOT the last ones milling around trying to get our sobbing children to leave. I’m sure she did NOT want to get out of there and go home since it was nearly 11:30 pm.
After we finally got our children to leave, I did NOT stop to use the restroom and leave a pair of binoculars sitting on top of the toilet paper holder. NOT me! I am way too “together” to ever leave something behind. My mom and dad NEVER make fun of me for it either!
Our children did NOT continue to cry the entire 4 block walk to the parking garage and all the way back to the hotel either. It’s probably what saved Aaron from killing me for leaving behind the binoculars! These things would NEVER happen to us.
It was definitely NOT me who had to pry the gripped little fingers of a child who was crying and clinging to a railing and refusing to go up in the St. Louis Arch. I would NEVER insist that he still go up in the little pod 630 feet in the air even though the attendant told us we could get our money back, and I’m terrified of heights myself. NOT me! NOPE, NO WAY! He also did NOT cry the ENTIRE TIME we were at the top of the Arch insisting we go back down NOW! That would just be unheard of!
We did NOT then take our two underage children on a “science field trip” to the brewery. That would just be WRONG! While on the tour I would NOT have taken “blackmail” pictures of my children hiding their noses in their sweatshirts because they couldn’t stand the smell. I will NOT pull these out the first time they are caught drinking to remind them of their distaste for the smell of beer.
It was NOT my children who were innocently playing catch in the hotel pool with another little boy until some older girls in bikinis hopped in. My children did NOT then innocently wiggle their way into the girls’ game with a beach ball and ditch the little boy they were playing with. My boys would NEVER do such a thing. Their father was also NOT proud of them for doing this. He had NO idea the girls had even entered the pool. NOPE, his eyes were closed!
It was also NOT us who were so rudely roused from bed at 6:00 am because the fire alarm was going off in the hotel. It was also NOT raining outside at the time. Aaron would NEVER have just peeked out the room door and said, “There’s no smoke. Go back to bed! We’re NOT going outside! If we need to tie bed sheets together to climb out the windows we will!” So, we did NOT just climb back into our beds to get cozy while the fire trucks roared up to the front of the hotel. NOT us! We believe in safety over sleep and comfort!
While at TGI Friday’s my son did NOT think he was eating “baby BAT ribs” instead of baby back ribs. Aaron and I did NOT have tears running down our faces and nearly wet our pants from laughing so hard at him. That just would NOT be right to laugh so hard at your children, especially in such a public place. He did NOT then insist that he was a little wigged out by chewing on a pig bone after we re-explained to him what he was eating. It didn’t bother him to be eating “baby bat ribs” though J
These things would NEVER happen to our family on a weekend road trip. We are far too CALM, and NORMAL for these crazy things to happen!
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